Better Than A Hallelujah Sometimes

If you know me, then you know that I am possibly Amy Grants biggest fan. I am fan enough that my sister is afraid that I have achieved stalker status and my husband worries that meeting her this past October and seeing her with the Alabama Symphony Orchestra in November were bigger deals to me than our wedding last April (they weren't, but the events were a close 2nd).

I spent hours upon hours singing "Big Yellow Taxi," "Father's Eyes," "House of Love," and "Children of the World" while jumping up and down on my bed when I was younger (which was usually followed by my sibling threatening to throw each of my albums out the window once she couldn't handle any more of my repeated non since). To this day, when I am over stressed, tired or just in a bad mood, I can pop in any Amy Grant album (be it from the late 70's, 80's or 90's, it really doesn't matter) and be back to the swing of things in no time.

*Side Note-Have I mentioned that the name of this blog and its tag line both come from one of her songs released in 2003: "Simple Things"

Anyway, all this fandom isn't why I decided on this post, this past week Amy Grant released a new song on her Fan Club website (it is OK with me if you think I'm lame because I'm in the fan club) that will soon be out with her newest album. This song did not jar me because it is a familiar tune with a catchy beat, something I've sung a million times or even because it is performed by a beloved artist. This song caught my attention because of the heart strings it pulled and the vivid imagery it leaves in my head. It goes like this...

God loves a lullaby

In a mothers tears in the dead of night

Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

God loves a drunkards cry,

A soldiers plea not to let him die

Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are

But honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah.

Woman holding on for life,

A dying man giving up the fight

Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

Tears of shame for whats been done,

A silence when the words wont come

Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

Better than a church bell ringing,

Better than a choir singing loud, singing out.

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are

But honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah.

Do these words touch anyone else? Be you an Amy fan or not, these lyrics are simply beautiful.

As soon as I heard this song I began to think about both the overcomings and tragedies of life. I think about how freeing a "Hallelujah!" or "Praise the Lord!" can be in the a moment of victory and how spirit filled a worship service can be as we ask Christ to draw near to us. Then, I think about how awesome the touch of God can be in the face of struggle and in a moment of surrender.

I often imagine this awesome moment in Heaven with an army of angels singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" at the pearly gates as we are able to see the face of God for the first time (this may not be in your imagination, but I sure do like it). But, how many times do we cry out here on Earth and not realize how close the face of God is to us at that very moment?

We sing praises and Hallelujahs to the Lord for our blessing and for His help and when we are brutally honest and open with our prayers and pleas, the Lord hears our cries and hopes. They are a song to His ears as we trust in Him and except a power that only He has.

In a World where we are expected to answer "fine" when someone asks "How are you?"- I rest in the knowledge that I cannot fool my Lord. My God knows when I am running a fake facade and gives me strength and comfort when I admit to what a mess I am.

"We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody. Beautiful the mess we are, but honest cries of breaking hearts, are better than a hallelujah sometimes."

Inspired by SPAM

Have you ever sifted frantically through your belongings looking for something you are 99.99% sure you never had? I have.

This past Tuesday afternoon, as I layed out my clothes for Matt Miller's visitation and funeral, I was surrounded by a pile of Sunday best and all I wanted was a SPAM t-shirt (thus insuing the search for a SPAM shirt that I have never owned but thought might appear). Have you ever seen anyone wear a SPAM shirt as proudly or talk so joyfully about SPAM as Matt Miller? I doubt it.

After having no such luck with my wished for wardrobe, I dressed in my black pants and jacket and headed out the door. On the way to the funeral home in Pelham, I reflected on my thoughts of Matt and how he registers pretty high on my "who I respect the most" list.

I have numberous memories of Matt from outings with friends, weddings, Chrysalis weekends and Summer Camp.

Matt was my "go to" guy. As I looked around the funeral home at the hundreds of poeple who had come to hug the family and the hundreds of poeple who came to the church to celebrate his life, I couldn't help but think about how he was the go to guy for so many people and for so many different reasons.

For me, Matt was the go to guy for Summer Camp and Chrysalis questions, ideas and feedback. Others spoke to him about collage, church, hunting, football, relationships and a million other things. With all these people talking and asking, he always kept up the friendship and never left out the needed advise and laughter. Matt never worried about time or what he needed to be doing. He focused on the here and now and whoever he was talking to or helping at the moment.

When I came on board at Sumatanga as the full time Summer Camp Director, Matt knew me and we shared plenty of stories and memories but he had no reason to put as much faith in me as he did. Matt believed in me, shared his belief with the other directors and did nothing but encourage me in a time when I could easily have been cut down or put out. Soon, he became the guy I called when I had any questions about Summer Camp. The curriculum, half of the hiring and my sanity all would have gone out the door for the 2009 camping season without Matt Miller (I suppose I owed him a bit of a salary for all he did).

Matt has been helping me diligently a few times a week to prepare for the 2010 summer and for the Young Adult Chrysalis I will be leading in March. I am missing his input and support desperately. I know that the Lord has blessed me with these opportunities and won't let down but it sure was nice to have an angel on earth to help consult and sooth amidst the madness of ministry.

I am reminded of Matt each time I walk into my office and each time I talk to a camp friend that we have shared a hug or a celebration with. I am honored to live and work at a place where Matt was so influential. I am honored to have known Matt and know that he called me friend.

Matt said I would always be Meagan Gray and forbid me to leave out my original last name off Facebook when I became a Lanier (he was a fan of Evan but didn't like to store changed names to his memory). Matt could jump and scream higher than anyone I've ever met while fencing. Matt loved to sit back at parties and take in everything that was going on while making a commentary to himself. Matt and I shared the unbelievable gift of sweating year round and without control. Matt loved to talk about Alabama football when I obviously wanted to focus on Auburn. Matt was never afraid to take on the hard to answer questions at Chrysalis and was never hesitant about sharing deep parts of himself while preaching and teaching. Matt cared deeply for his friends and accomplished more in 25 years than most people do in 80 simply due to his passion. Matt was the first to admit when someone had a better idea and the last to push his thoughts just for the sake of talking and being right. Matt believed passionately about the message of peace, love and grace (and inspired my facebook and twitter statuses that said the same on January 11th after a long phone call with him). Matt was and always will be an inspiration. Matt has challenged myself and anyone who knew him to be more caring, more passionate and more like Christ.

"I strive to live life different. When I die I want people to say that I had a positive impact on the lives of the people that I came into contact with because I was willing to do things, say things, and give things others only dreamed about, and I want to have have fun while I do it." - Matt Miller

have a look into Matt's life: www.umcmatt.com