I Am My Mother

After too long of a break, I have been itching to blog! Sumatanga hasn't stopped buzzing with people and excitement since Summer Camp ended, so needless to say, life has been fast and crazy with little time for simple pleasures like blogging. I plan to write soon about the ins and outs of what is going on here, but until then, how about the subject...

I AM MY MOTHER!

I recall time after time growing up (especially in my teenage years) jabbing and laughing at my mom while she cried over sermons, movies, TV shows, songs and even commercials. I mean seriously, what was wrong with this woman? Where were all those tears coming from and how could she be so silly to let them spill so easily?! I am sure you can guess that she was NOT thrilled with me when my laughter and smart-alec comments started going her way. My gracious mother, however, would simple say "Meagan, you just wait and see. You've got it coming to you one of these days." And of course, I would follow that comment with a bout of rolled eyes and something sophisticated and grown up like sticking out my tung or making a beautiful face that would "get stuck like that" if I held it for too long.

Well guess what? Mom was right (yeah yeah, I know, moms are always right). I did, indeed, have it coming to me and it has caught me BIG TIME. I now not only cry over sermons, movies, TV shows, songs and commercials but I cry at the THOUGHT of them! Geeze Louise, I am a nut case of tears. When the heart starts going, the tears start flowing.

I obviously owe my mother many years of apologies for the finger pointing and giggles, but I also owe her quite a bit of thanks. Although I have been known to use both of my sleeves and the sleeves of my sister-in-law in a public theatre while watching "The Time Travelers Wife," the humiliation is worth it. I think I would feel like I was missing a part of me if my tears didn't join my emotions so often.

I get a lot of weird looks from my husband (and people at red lights when inspirational radio starts rolling in the car) when my face starts squinting and the water works get started, but I've decided that is OK. I may be an emotional roller coaster that can't hold it together when Jesus shows up or when songs start playing but I love that I get to feel connected. Is that weird? After I cry, I feel like I've been part of something real (bear with the cheesiness here). Seriously, after I get so caught up in someone else's character or story that I can't hold back the tears, I feel that I have experienced their circumstance too.

Now I find myself wondering how many times my mom cried not only for the stories found in the media but for mine and my sister's stories as well. I wonder how many times the only way she could experience our joys and fears was to cry too. I am sure our graduations and weddings were almost too much for mom's tear ducts to handle. I can now understand why mom was "mrs cries a lot" when I was growing up. The commercials on TV are tough but real life is almost too much emotion to handle. I don't know how I'll hold it together when I have kids that make fun of me for crying, or how I'll hold back the tears when they hurt or shout for joy, but I do know I'm glad that I'll have the tears to join with them. So here is a shout out of thanks to mom for crying and caring and making me someone who cares too. Here is to all the tears that make me one step closer to becoming my mother.